I've never spent so much time in prayer in my life. I've been camped out in the adoration chapel for a couple hours each night, trying to discern where my life is going after graduation and more importantly, what God's will is for me.
At this point I just want to bang my head against a wall. I have to decide TOMORROW and my heart is still torn. Last night in the chapel I had myself convinced I should take one job. Two of my friends from high school youth group got ENGAGED (yay!!!) outside of the chapel, came back in to tell me, and left. In that span of five minutes I changed my mind again, haha. Note to any potential suitors out there: proposing at the adoration chapel is highly encouraged! ;) My goal was to have a job offer before Christmas break. To be honest, I really didn't think I'd get any job offers. Well, God had other plans and right now I have three job offers dangling in front of me and they are all completely different.
Here's the rundown:
1) Finance & operations rotational job with a Fortune 500 company in Texas
2) Project management job in market research in Ohio (dream job!)
3) Catholic missionary job on university campuses with FOCUS (location TBD)
I had job #1 before Thanksgiving, so I've had a while to mull that offer over and it's pretty much out of the picture at this point. It has the largest salary, but I'd be bored to tears working in finance & ops. Despite my exciting travels around Europe, I discovered while I was there that I'm a midwest girl at heart and would rather stick close to the values and lifestyle I am accustomed to in the midwest. I interviewed for job #2 during finals week and they called early last week to offer me the job, the day before my interview for FOCUS. I was thisclose to canceling my interviews with FOCUS, but decided I might regret it if I did because I've been considering it for a year or so. FOCUS called and gave me a job offer on Christmas eve. Cue panicking and praying!
This is the hardest and most important decision I ever had to make - so stressful! If it were any other jobs it wouldn't be so difficult, but I am really passionate and interested in both marketing and working for the Church. I WANT BOTH. I can see myself being happy in either job. I spent all four years at IU working really hard in campus ministry...so FOCUS would be a natural fit for me. On top of that I really desire to evangelize and share the fullness of truth and the faith with university students because I have seen for myself the darkness and sin that permeates college culture. Oh...did I mention that I would have to fundraise my entire salary if I chose FOCUS? I must be crazy to even consider giving up a nice salary and benefits to be a Catholic missionary...!
N.B. Despite my "predicament" I do realize how blessed I am to have all these job options. I'm just terrified I'll make the wrong decision. Growing up sucks. St. Joseph the worker, pray for me!
O great St. Joseph, you were completely obedient to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Obtain for me the grace to know the state of life that God in His providence has chosen for me. Since my happiness on earth, and perhaps even my final happiness in heaven, depends on this choice, let me not be deceived in making it. Obtain for me the light to know God's Will, to carry it out faithfully, and to choose the vocation which will lead me to a happy eternity. Amen.